


stuck in the darkest age

by CapnWinghead



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trapped In Elevator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24782209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapnWinghead/pseuds/CapnWinghead
Summary: Sam and Bucky get stuck in a SHIELD elevator during a black out.Three weeks after a break up.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 32
Kudos: 181





	stuck in the darkest age

**Author's Note:**

> There was a prompt going around tumblr about getting stuck in an elevator after breaking up, so I wrote this quick piece. 
> 
> Title from Tanerélle's "Nothing Without You".

Bucky had just returned from a three-week long trudge through the Savage Land.

He was exhausted and covered in soot and dirt and grass and somebody else’s blood. All he wanted was to go back to his apartment, shower, scarf down something remotely edible and crash for a week or two. Long enough to forget that his bed was cold and his apartment was empty. Long enough to forget for a little while that he’d thrown away the greatest thing he’d ever had.

Fury’d finally finished yelling – debriefing him and he’d just stepped into the elevator. He was dead on his feet, eyes closed as he slapped his hand against the panel and hit the button for the lobby about three times.

“I already did that,” a voice called out. Bucky froze, a tightness in his chest. “Pressing it a few more times doesn’t make it go any faster.”

Bucky leaned against the wall, his mouth working wordlessly. Finally, he settled on, “Yeah, I know.”

A beat.

“You can’t even look at me?”

Bucky didn’t answer, praying the elevator moved through the remaining forty-two floors without stopping. Or, at the very least, that they picked up enough passengers to crowd the space between them. It was a 7x7 car, and yet the space between them felt cavernous. He could smell Sam’s cologne, fresh and clean. Like he’d just gotten out of the shower. He might’ve come in for the gym or a quick meeting. He’d been working with agents since Bucky had gone solo.

God, he smelled so good. Familiar, like home, like the sheets on Bucky’s bed. He hadn’t had time to do the laundry before he left.

His hand closed into a fist against the cool panel, his throat tight. The car descended in silence, Bucky’s heart in his mouth. Sam didn’t try to speak to him again.

They were passing floor thirty-three when the car stuttered, a screeching noise sounding before it jerked sharply and came to a stop. Sam slid into the wall with a gasp, the lights flickering around them. The digital panel buzzed, the picture glitching before it flashed and went black.

They were alone in the dark.

Bucky stepped back, looking to Sam in question. His breath caught, taking in the lines around Sam’s mouth, the shadows beneath his eyes. His beard had been neatly trimmed and shaped the last time Bucky saw him. Now, it was overgrown, his face drawn and tight like it’d been a while since he’d gotten any sleep.

He used to sleep so well at Bucky’s side.

Swallowing, Bucky reached into his pocket for his phone. “Shit, no bars.”

Sam checked his own, entering in his passcode slow enough that Bucky caught sight of a picture of him on the lock screen. It was an old one. He’d been waking up, his hair fanned out across the pillow when Sam caught him tired enough to smile honestly. Bucky cut his eyes away as Sam cursed.

“What now?”

“You think the others stopped?”

“I don’t see why. They’re on separate systems to prevent too much control if someone hacked into the system.” Sam paced a few steps, rubbing at his chin. “It was a blackout. Someone’ll check the elevators.”

“Yeah.” Bucky moved to a corner and leaned against the wall. “They’ll get us out soon.”

Sam studied him quietly before shaking his head and standing in another corner, staring straight ahead.

Two hours passed in painful silence.

Bucky had never been the type to download games. The only one he had was some “old school” game called “Doodle Jump” that Peter had downloaded when he borrowed Bucky’s phone at a party. It didn’t hold Bucky’s attention for long and it didn’t distract him from Sam’s presence.

To be honest, Bucky had secretly hoped he’d get at least a month before he saw Sam again. A month to prepare, to steel himself against the deluge of emotions flooding him at the moment. He’d thought it’d be easier, but three weeks wasn’t that much shorter a time and he felt the same way he had leaving Sam’s apartment that night.

Broken.

A vice grip around his chest, gripping his jeans painfully tight to keep from reaching out. This close, he could barely breathe. His stomach twisted into knots. He slid down the wall, knees against his chest as he focused on taking deep breaths. He didn’t do well in tight spaces. Sam being here certainly wasn’t helping.

He lowered his head, breathing in deep as his heart beat fast in his chest. He took a few breaths but they kept coming quicker, his hands growing clammy. He started to shake, cursing as he tried to force himself to calm.

Two hands settled on his knees, startling him. He looked up to find two soft brown eyes holding his steadily. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay,” Sam said calmly. “Breathe in with me, okay? In, out.”

Bucky nodded jerkily, following as best he could. Sam rubbed his knees with a soft smile, breathing in deep and letting it out slowly. After some time, Bucky felt his heart rate slow, the panic receding. When he was settled, Sam moved back to his corner.

“Thanks,” Bucky began.

“Don’t,” Sam said quietly, focused on the wall.  
  
  
  


Another half hour passed and Bucky cracked.

“Sam,” he started.

“We don’t have to talk.”

A beat. “That’s rude.”

“Is it?” Sam asked, eyes cutting to him sharply. “We date for three months, you break up with me, with no explanation and make sure you were halfway around the world the next day so you don’t have to talk to me. But I’m being rude?

“I’m sorry, I just,” he cut himself off, tugging at his hair. “I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“Understatement of the year,” Sam muttered. “You realize that’s not a good excuse, right?”

“Yes,” Bucky bit out, covering his face. He took a deep breath, bracing himself when he dropped his hand. Sam was staring at him, a wounded look in his eye.

“Why can’t you just talk to me?”

Bucky swallowed thickly, “Sam,” he began, averting his gaze to his feet. “I just can’t.”

“Why not? You seemed pretty sure of yourself that night.” Bucky shook his head, lowering his knees and leaning back against the wall. “Bucky, just talk to me. Why can’t you just tell me what I did?”

“Because it wasn’t you, Sam! It was me!” he shouted, throwing his arms out. Sam was stunned into silence.

“What went wrong had nothing to do with you,” he explained, covering his face. “You kept talking about the future. _Our future_. Like we had one. Like you had one with me. And I just,” he gestured wordlessly. “I didn’t see it,” he murmured.

“It wasn’t like I was asking you to marry me.”

“No, but you were asking me to move in and meet your family and go to Sharon’s wedding with you.” He licked his lips. “Sam, I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone six months from now. You ask me what I planned to do with my life and I never thought I’d make it this far. That wasn’t Hydra, that was just me. I don’t make plans.”

“You could’ve just told me. We were happy.”

“And how long do you think that would’ve lasted?” Bucky asked plainly.

“What are you talking about?”

“It was only a matter of time before you realized what you got yourself into. I can only fake being like you for so long.”

Sam froze, crestfallen. “You never liked being with me.”

“No, Sam, no,” he insisted. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“What are you saying?”

“I was faking being like you. Being normal, going to fucking farmer’s markets and brunch and… I’m not good at that shit.”

“You didn’t have to be.” Sam sank down next to him. “I love _you_. I care about _you_. I don’t need you to pretend to be someone else.” He reached out and took Bucky’s hand.  
  
A moment passed, Bucky’s hand lax in Sam’s.

“You hid from me.” Bucky said quietly. “When you had bad days.” Sam looked to him as he went on, lost in thought. “You’d get these moods where you were just… off. You didn’t talk, you’d sleep for hours and hours and you’d barely eat. You’d just lock me out.”

Averting his eyes, Sam studied their hands, his mouth a thin line. Finally, “I wasn’t good company.”

“I didn’t care. I worried about you. You’d just shut down. Shut me out.” He let out a slow breath, tracing his thumb over the back of Sam’s hand. He looked to Sam, his eyes clear. “Made me feel like you didn’t trust me to take care of you.”

Sam offered a weak smile. “You had your own shit to deal with.”

“Doesn’t matter. You put your life on hold for me all the time. When you didn’t trust me to do the same, it made me feel like you didn’t think I could do it. And I get it; I’m not perfect. I don’t always say the right thing but I try.” He squeezed Sam’s hand. “I try really hard for you.”

Sam’s smile widened, eyes wet. “I know. It’s just… it’s been a long time since I’ve had someone to talk to about all of this. You know, that wasn’t a group of strangers at the VA.”

“You know I’d never judge you.”

“You say that, but,” he trailed off, closing his eyes as his head fell back against the wall. “You know I wanted you to meet my cousin Lindsey because she’s the only one in my family that accepted me. My dad was a pastor. He and my mom died before I ever knew if they would’ve shut me out, too.”

Bucky studied him for a moment. “I’m really sorry, Sam.”

“Me too,” he said, the corner of his mouth turning up. “It’s just, I’m used to dealing with things on my own. It’s not perfect, it’s sure as hell not the healthiest thing to do but, it’s part of me. It’s part of the reason I started leading group. I didn’t have a big support system. Then I met Steve and… it was like I had this family but they were always just out of reach. I love Shar and Tic Tac’s okay, but, without Steve… we’re more like coworkers.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “I really miss him, Buck.”

“I know.” He squeezed Sam’s hand, bringing it up to kiss the back of his hand. “You have me.”

Sam’s eyes opened, soft and fond. “It’s different.”

“Better be.”

Sam laughed, warming Bucky to his core. “It is.” He squeezed Bucky’s hand. “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing you a favor not unloading on you.”

“I should’ve just said it was bothering me.” He shrugged. “You know, when something goes wrong, I just assume it’s because of me.”

“And I assume I just wasn’t enough.” He rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder. “You know what Nat would say.”

“What?”

“We have issues.” Bucky laughed, settling against the wall.

“She’d be right.”

“She usually was.” He took a deep breath. “Look, I can say I’ll do better, but you gotta give me a chance to.”

“Sam,” he began and Sam held out his free hand.

“Just, let me talk, okay?” Bucky nodded. “I can tell you all the things I love about you and how I can’t imagine my life without you in it, or I can just tell you that you’re the first person I think about when everything’s going wrong in my life.”

“When I barely make it out of a fight in one piece or when Fury really tore into me for something that wasn’t my fault. Or when I’m leading group and I have to say that everything will get better when I really don’t think it will. Or when we go out and we save the city but we don’t save everyone inside of it. Or when I wake up and remember that five fucking years passed and more could have without us. When I think about how easily we could’ve missed having this, I think about you.” His voice broke. “I’m lucky. I’m grateful. I love you. I don’t tell you these things because you’ve had it hard enough as it is, but I did think about you. Every time.”

Bucky’s eyes burned, a knot in his throat. He pressed a kiss to the top of Sam’s head, clearing his throat. “Thanks.” He closed his eyes, breathing him in. “I thought I was doing you a favor. Breaking us up,” he explained.

“Really?”

Bucky nodded. “Thought I’d end it before we started hating each other.” He pulled back, waiting for Sam to meet his gaze. “I need you to trust me, Sam.”

“I can try.” He bit his lip, holding Bucky’s gaze for a moment. Finally, Bucky leaned in, kissing his forehead softly. 

The elevator car stuttered and the lights flickered to life. Sam squinting, staring up at them. They remained sitting on the floor as the car started to descend. Bucky carefully climbed to his feet, pulling Sam up after him.

“Guess we’re not going to have to eat each other,” Sam said.

“That’s a relief. I’m starving.” Sam rolled his eyes fondly.

The car landed on the lobby floor, the doors sliding open smoothly. They exited, hand in hand. 


End file.
